Tuesday, November 4, 2008
So here we are.
Months and months of hype has finally, FINALLY led up to this moment. Years of planning, thousands of dollars, tons and tons of bickering and spiteful rhetoric has finally led to this. This is our shining moment on the hill, our chance to be something bigger than ourselves and participate in a scenario that will change the course of human history as we know it. Brothers and sisters, I am here to tell you that it has not all been in vain - Fallout 3 is a pretty good game.
Bethesda has managed to make a game that will satisfy most of the diehard Fallout series fans and casual gamers alike. Aside from a few problems with the game locking up on me (fixed, I think, by clearing out the hard drive cache), it has delivered on all fronts - an engaging story, solid and easy-to-pick-up gameplay and, form what I've heard, quite a bit of replay value. With that in mind, I give Fallout 3 a 5/6 quarters erection:
Also, today is election day for this country so it's a good time to post another patented IGBALOH Pointless List!
And go vote. Or don't. Me? I probably won't because I think this voting thing is for queers.
TOP 7 THINGS THAT HAPPENED DURING THE '08 ELECTION THAT I CAN PUT INTO LIST FORM
7. THE MCCAIN GIRLS
7. THE MCCAIN GIRLS
Hey! Remember the McCain Girls? These lovely ladies appeared on the scene early on in the campaign with everyone's favorite electoral provocation, song parodies! Clever little ditties like the one above and "Here Comes McCain Again" cheered up one sector of the electorate which desperately needed it and enraged the other which sometimes needs to chill a little. Of course, it all turned out to be a hoax perpetrated by one H. Jon Benjamin, who, apparently expanding his horizons beyond pulling fast ones on infants, had to be laughing at the whole mess from the sidelines.
6. LARRY SINCLAIR
Back in 1999, a dashing young rogue by the name of Larry Sinclair found himself alone in Chicago, IL and met a man who inquired if Mr. Sinclair may have a taste for certain illicit pharmaceuticals and some company for the evening. When Mr. Sinclair agreed, this person naturally called the state representative's office and a certain young Mr. Barack Obama was on the case! Arriving at the upscale hotel lobby, the two eventually absconded to the back of a rented limo where crack-smoking and head-giving abounded! And yet, to this day, Senator Obama refuses to recognize this special night even occured! And the mainstream media, of course, just ignores it because Mr. Sinclair failed a lie detector test. FOR SHAME!
5. MALCOLM X, JR.
But not all journalists are so yellow! One intrepid blogger by the name of Pam Geller has stumbled upon the story of the century and she is shouting it from the highest blogmountain! While going over the reams and reams of evidence that Barack Obama is not a U.S. citizen and therefor CANNOT possibly run for president, Ms. Geller uncovered unmistakeable proof that Barack Hussein Obama is, in actuallity, Barack X! It's hard to discount these allegations, especially since, oh, I don't know... THEY LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE! OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE!
4. ASHLEY TODD
Man, does election season bring out the crazies. When Ashley when to the Pittsburg 5-0 with some fucked up story about how she was mutilated by a crazed negro Obama supporter, Drudge was all over that shit. Instead of muttering stuff about ACORN and blaming the growing support for Obama's campaign on the popularity of black celebrities, all the closet racists had something concrete to point to. That is, of course, until the wacko finally confessed she made it all up.
3. JOE THE BOM-AHH JOE THE PLUMMER
Smell that? It's a fresh marketing gimmick, straight out of the RNC's labs! You would have thought Joe Wurzelbacher had proved Barack Obama was the anti-christ and then strangled him with his bare hands on his own front lawn instead of had just having a polite discussion about economics. Of course, once the meme had traction Joe and Sara did their damnest to shoehorn it into any and all interviews regardless of whether it was pertinent or not. Hence, the video above.
2. SARAH FUCKING PALIN
THE QUESTION WASN'T ABOUT FUCKING BILL AYERS YOU FUCKING CUNT. DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING ANSWERS THAT DON'T INVOLVE JOE THE FUCKING PLUMMER BILL FUCKING AYERS OR KARL FUCKING MARX YOU SPASTIC FUCKING HALFWIT? IF YOU HAVE TO TAILOR YOUR ANSWER IN SUCH A WAY AS TO NOT OFFEND THE FUCKING ABORTION CLINIC BOMBER DEMOGRAPHIC THEN YOU HAVE SOME SERIOUS PROBLEMS LADY.
This woman will be president one day.
1. IOWA PICKS OBAMA
In the weeks leading up to the Iowa caucus this year I kept hearing an echo. This echo returns every four years and it says basically the same thing: "What's so goddamn special about Iowa?" "How come those farmers get to go first every year?". Well, besides the obvious ( e.g. someone has to, you douche) I'd say it's first in the nation status can be put down to the fact that nobody usually gives a shit about Iowa. We don't have any large population centers. No grand structures. I doubt Des Moines is in the running for the Olympics anytime soon. But once a fucking year, the arcane and unknowable electoral process forces all Americans to cast a glance towards the middle of the country for a split second, and without an Iowan in the race, this year's caucus was up for grabs.
And Iowa nailed it.
And for the first time in my life, I'm really proud of my state.